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[10 *13* 04 ♥ 3:19pm] |
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well ive now decided no more lj for me. this journal has gotten stupid, and its not like i would actually tell my darkest secrets on an online journal where millions of people could read it haha. my aim: loserchick817
goodbye lj
♥ Colleen
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[10 *11* 04 ♥ 3:41pm] |
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i was bored...
ive realized that i need to move on with my life and just accept the fact that stephen doesnt want me anymore. and even though that breaks my heart, im sure theres someone else out there who can make me just as happy...i just need to find him and one day sooner or later in my life..i will find him. i enjoyed the times that we spent together, the good and the bad. and i will always love him.
but its time to move on and accept things for the way they are and stop living in my stupid little fantasy dream world.
Thank You Sara!!!<3
♥xo tink!
( surveyyyy )
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[10 *09* 04 ♥ 5:10pm] |
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well i wrote an entry a few days ago..but something went wrong with my computer and it shut down all of a sudden and my entry got deleted. so yeah.
well i found out a few days ago and stephen cheated on me like 5 months ago with some bitch who i hate name nina. shes a junior at school and they supposedly fucked last year...the same time that we were together.
so now im totally over him and i DONT want him back anymore.
not at all.
ive been hurt so much by him that i dont want to be hurt anymore. just the way that he treated me, how he was always mean to me, hitting/pushing me, and cheating on me.
yeah, NEVER AGAIN.
we are OVER.
i cant believe that i never found out until now..but its not like i would never have found out..whats the name of our school again?..yeah. rumor fucking high.
THE TRUTH.
ok, so on to the next subject, i started talking to my friend terry from westland again..he started getting online again and stuff and we are going to a haunted house together and going to hang out together sometime soon...not sure when, but soon.
and i have been talking to my friend justin for awhile, and i hung out with him once the other day..and he gets off grounding tomorrow so we will prolly hang out sometime soon again....i think i might be starting to like him. but im not sure.
i dunno if i want another boyfriend right now. i mean i want one of course, you know me, but im not sure if i need one.
but whatever.
whatever happens, happens. and thats all i have to say about that.
in other news, things around my house are the same, although i have been getting along with the family better which is always cool. even so with that, i still dont think that anyone could possibly hate their house as much as me. but all well, i better get used to it because after i graduate, i cant exactly pay for my car, and an apartment or small house for myself while going to school and work at the same time...so i will live here until i have enough money saved up for myself to MOVE OUT!!
but its cool i guess, i will not be here most of the time anyways so whatever.
well, i think thats it for now.
♥ Coll33nie!
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[10 *04* 04 ♥ 9:33pm] |
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well not too much has been goin on ova hea lately. haha.
me and stephen= the same, still alone, still sad..yeah. bplh. eek.
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then hmm.. nothing much else going on..oh yeah!!
my dad and i are going to remodel my room!!
ohyes.
that my friend i am mega excited about.
it is going to be allllll pink and purple!!!
im getting a new bed and new bedspreads and curtains and everything like that..andgetting red of a dresser and stuff...and im also finally getting carpet in my room!! woohoo my feet dont have to be cold no more haha.
k, well time to go surf the net like always and talk to people aha.
♥ l33n
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[10 *02* 04 ♥ 9:27am] |
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well i havent updated in awhile...things are doing ok.
for the past 2 days both of my ears are plugged and feel like they have water in them and its driving me fucking crazy. i dont understand why it is doing this...and i really hope that it stops before homecoming tonight. yes, i decided to go...with katie, yeah. i have no date. stephen asked me to go and the decided he wasnt going to go anymore, even when i know he could get off early if he would just ask ahead of time. anyways, so yeah. my senior year...last homecoming ever. all well.
im going with katie and meagan:)
i love them even though there some sophomores, theyre the greatest haha.
anyways---today mom and i are going to meijers to get some stuff to take to vicky for when she does my hair..and ive also got to buy a few other things for tonight, then we are going to vickys and shes gonna do my hair for tonight...then hopefully were gonna go out to eat and then back home to get ready and then katie and megan are picking me up!!
uh anyways...i feel like my friends have been leaving me out of everything and sort of avoiding me...i feel like they dont want me around, like im not fun or anything.. i have no idea.
i know that that is not true, but that is a little of how i feel right now...i know that they arent doing it on purpose, but it just feels like that is what they are doing. i dunno. i dont think i ever will..but at least i have some friends!!!:) haha.
i need a boyfriend.
i want stephen.
hmm.
♥ Colleen
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[9 *29* 04 ♥ 9:53pm] |
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well ive been sick since sunday. :( i havent been in school all week, dont know if i am going to homecoming...stephen asked me and now hes backing out.
things between him and i are,....well lets just say horrible as usual for this period in my life.
he just doesnt understand how bad he hurts me. he just doesnt understand that the hurt tha the puts on me by being so mean to me makes me want to die....im not going to kill myself, even though ive had thoughts, i know that is wrong now, but i just wonder..what would he do if i were to die?
even though he says he still loves me, he even told liz that "he guesses he does"...he also told me he does, but through his actions, he definately does not show it...and he gives me mixed signals. oh man. well i better stop or else ill go on forever.
i just wish that he would see that he is acting the wrong way, and with help from him, it CAN work...but it just hurts that he seems as if though he doesnt want to. :'(
Colleen
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[9 *25* 04 ♥ 6:42pm] |
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im bored..and i found this survey in one of the survey communties...so i figured id do it
the shower went ok...now its over and im glad
i get so frustrated....
tomorrow= stephens bday..i hope we hang out that would make me so unbelieveably happy.
i just want things back to the way they were before.
♥ Coll33nie
( survey...bored again of course. )
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[9 *23* 04 ♥ 8:45pm] |
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eh im not feeling too good.
i hope i feel better soon.
tomorrow im going shopping with MOM and getting my nails done...etc.
saturday is the baby shower. man she makes me so angry. and him. its more him than her though. maybe its both monica and mark..who knows.
but then sunday...stephens birthday, the day that i will ask him to be mine again and kiss him like ive wanted to for the almost 2 weeks that have seemed like an eternity.
hopefully he says yes.
hoepfully he still wants me.
hopefully he still loves me.
nothing hurts worse than knowing that the above things arent true.
when you love a person that much, it makes you want to die when shit like that happens.
i guess sometimes life just sucks.
well, i guess im living proof of that.
i hope everything goes well on sunday...tomorrow at the mall im going to get his bday present...i hope i find something i like, i want to get him a wallet. his that he uses now is so ugly. its brown and an old wallet that looks like an old man one haha.
if anything else catches my eye i just might go with that...who knows.
i really hope that we will get back together.
anyways~ another thing that has been bothering my lately is the fact that i feel like my friends dont want to hang around with me anymore. especially sara. i think she thinks that me and stephen are together again on the "dl" but i dunno.
we arent sara if you read this WE ARENT TOGETHER, TRUST ME, I WISH WE WERE!!!
i dont know what im doing.
i just have to face the fact that i feel like he doesnt want me anymore.
i think that the reason sara has been not wanting to hang out with me is because maybe she thinks im annoying....i hope not becuase when i am upset about something, no one ever tries to help me, they just avoid me..but sara has gave me advice, liz too, and now it seems as if though they are avoiding me now...that hurts, i hope im not right.
well this has turned into a very choppy rambling on and on and on journal entry. allwell.
i think ill go now,
nothing more to say thats really worth saying.
I <3 Stephen.
♥ Colleen
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[9 *22* 04 ♥ 3:34pm] |
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well things are going eh ok.
i still want to be with stephen, and im so confused and hurt right now over this situation that it hurts to even talk about it.
he gives me hints that he wants to get back together and he gives me hints that he doesnt.
today i asked him for a kiss and he said NO. that hurt me beyond belief.
right when he said that i got instant tears. and he was like "whats the problem?" in a mean voice, i just said "nothing" and walked away crying in school.
help me someone before i go insane.
i love him.
Colleen
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[9 *20* 04 ♥ 4:08pm] |
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well i havent updated in awhile, im kinda busy right now making cds for stephen for his bday, but i will say that my weekend was the best ever!!!! i got to see cody and ariel FINALLY my mom let us see each other. it was the greatest.
k, well ill write more later.
♥ xoxo Coll33n
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[9 *17* 04 ♥ 3:36pm] |
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well i havent updated in awhile, but nothing too interesting has been going on lately. me and stephen broke up on monday, i know what you are all thinking, yes, we broke up AGAIN. but this time its different, we've been broken up for a week now. i love him and i want to be with him. but sara and liz seem to have different opinions. i love them both too, besides katie they are my best friends, im afraid of how mad they will be at me if i go back out with him.
and i just dont want to lose anymore friends, i have like 3 and they are actually true friends this time, and i dont want to lose them.
but i love stephen.
and i honestly think that this break will do us good. all the other times we said we were gonna take breaks, its lasted for like 2 days and this one is longer....its now 5 days.
im jsut so scared of losing liz and sara. i love to death also.
i dont know what to do.
i honestly think that a break will do good for us (a longer one than we usually take) and i know that me and stephen could have something together. i love him with all my heart.
HELP!!!
l33n
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[9 *12* 04 ♥ 8:16pm] |
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well nothing too exciting happened this weekend...friday i didnt do anything, just came home from school and screwed around at my house, saturday i hung out with stephen and mike, and we went out to eat and stuff...then today my aunt took me out to breakfast and we went shopping for stuff for monicas shower which is going to be on the 25th of this month. we got some really cute decorations. if i didnt mention before, monica is my cousin, and she was like my best friend, but then she moved out up north with her bf and they are now pregnant. ITS A GIRL!!! but anyways, we still talk all the time, even though we are not as close as we used to be..i wish we were though, but everyone has to live their lives, and when you get older, you forget about some people or things, and im sure that when i move out and suchnsuch that i will most likely do the same. anyways, the babys name so far is:
♥ Skylar May Lachek ♥
i know i spelled the last name wrong...no one knows how to spell it haha. but thats ok. i like the name..granny and aunt debbie were talking about how ugly is was and stupid, and iwas like yeah thats really nice, thats gonna be your grand daughter, everyones got their own opinions.
my family is so jugdemental and critisive (they like to critize..i cant spell the other word haha)
but it makes me mad sooooooooooooo much. i dunno, but its sunday, 8:21, im tired, and i still have to do my homework so ill go for now. tata
♥ l33n
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[9 *11* 04 ♥ 1:56pm] |
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bored and waiting for stephen to pick me up.
( surveys )
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[9 *10* 04 ♥ 8:03pm] |
came across this thing so i figured id do it...now im off to my room to watch movies all night till i pass out..oh yeah isnt life just grand.
i love watching movies!!
xo l33n
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[9 *10* 04 ♥ 7:12pm] |
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well nothing new or exciting has happened since the last time i updated. school is going ok. yeah. just ok. not great, or awesome or anything. i hate like every single person, or at least just the ignorant immature ones, which is basically like all of them. but i guess that i just have to deal with it just like every other year. and this is my last one too!! today was a sort of bad day though, but when i got home, i started feeling better. i had been not feeling good for like 4 days...oh yeah, school is back in, which means another thing, the dizzy spells are back AGAIN. oh happy happy joy joy.
SeNiorZ-'05!!
xo l33n
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[9 *07* 04 ♥ 4:06pm] |
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well i havent updated in awhile, but things have been going ok.
schools been going good
me and stephen are good.
i have been having a lot more fun lately which is cool...been hanging out with sara and liz a lot which is always the greatest.
michael wrote me an email today and said that he is going to be near this saturday...but even if stephen could take me, i have no money at all to get there..i would want to give stephen gas money for taking me all that way..and also money for a ticket. why do we have to be so damn poor? i hate having no money, i wish my dads work was better...it used to be but lately everythings gone to shit.
WE HAVE NO MONEY.
and that makes me cry.
i want to see michael :( *tears*
xotink
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[8 *31* 04 ♥ 10:45am] |
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oh im just up way too early...i have been up since 9:30...but all well, im getting paid $20 so woohoo. i cant wait for january!!! i wont have my license till then :( but all well, shit happens. me and stephen talked about that little problem i described earlier, but i dont think we got it all resolved, but its over now so i dont really care becuase its in the past..soyeah.
anywhos~* today i just have to babysit till 4, then i dont know what im doing for the rest of the day...i wanted to go over katies but THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL IS TOMORROW!!! and stuff...but all well, i have laundry to do and crap like that...one of these 4 days that we dont have school after thursday, i want to get my hair cut...im sick of it being long like this and crap. im not gonna get it too short, just maybe like 2 1/2 or 3 inches off........anyways i wish stephen would actually get a day off for once!!! he hasnt had a day off since like my birthday...but all well, hes happy...i just wish we could see more of each other, but we seen each otehr yesterday, and not the day before that, but the one before that..lol, so its not like we go days on end without seeing each other. oh man i dont feel too good, im tired and i dont feel good i got like major PMS. shit.fuck.i.hate.it!!!
well the children have just awakened so time to go feed them...
♥ Colleen
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[8 *29* 04 ♥ 3:46pm] |
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hmm well lately i havent been feeling too hot. i feel like stephen doesnt even want to hang out with me or anything at all. i mean, i dont think he feels that way its just that he works 24/7!! he hasnt had a day off in forever...like a week or so, hmmm isnt that illegal? yes, it is. but he has found a job and a job that actually makes him happy, and i will admit although i am not too happy about it being with so many girls, i honestly trust stephen and i know what is happening. but it just hurts me that he can go up there and hang out with them on his days off instead of hanging out with me. and i know he hasnt done that in a long time but i just wish that we had more time together, but i know that everythign will be ok its just that i kind of gets to me. i guess this is what i get for being such a jealous person. but i trust him so its all good. anyways, in other news,
i am so sick and fucking tired of babysitting!!!!
i stayed the night over jamis like 3 times last week and now i have to stay tonight and tomorrow night. i wish it was just only one day cuz tuesday i have a lot of stuff to do to get ready for school. i need to get my hair cut, well...i want to get my hair cut, and i have to start cleaning my room (thats not really related to school but i still have to do it.), its a disaster area, and i have to wash clothes and stuff like that.
i love stephen so much and i honestly believe that we will work for the long run. i can honestly see us together for a really really long time. i just wish that we had more time together.
but what really gets to me is that im always the one to say..."hey do you wanna hang out" or "i want to hang out with you." somethign like that like he never says anythign like that to me...like ill just say i want to hang out and then ill ask him if he wants to and he just says somethign like "sure" or "whatever" i dunno.
maybe i am just being stupid about all of this.
who knows.
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[8 *26* 04 ♥ 4:20pm] |
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hmm havent updated in awhile, ive been pretty much haveing a good time though. this morning was orientation. my very last orientation ever:(
on one hand im excited to be a senior, but on the other hand, im scared as hell. i wish that i could be a freshmen again sometimes lol.
me and stephen are doing good, monica (my cousin--very close with her) had her ultra sound....ITS A GIRL!!!
we all knew it was going to be a girl though.
im so excited.
right now in my life, im just sort of trying to figure out myself and what i want to do with my life.
even though i am very mature for my age, i still have my funny moments, but thats a good thing.
i believe that no matter what i choose to do in my life, i will be ok.
even though im not quite sure, i believe that every has a destiny and a plan for life. and i know that im not a very religous person, but i believe that god has a plan for me.
so im not too worried about it.
i have come to find that in every confrontation i come into to, whether it be with like my aunt or someone in my family, or a girl in school, i am always the one to walk away and be the bigger person and not keep it going.
i honestly believe that there are other ways to handle things then just fighting a person. everyone should think like that, but not everyone does and i feel for those people. life is short people, so make the best of it and just be yourself!!!
dont act "tough" or "hard" because you want to make yourself look cool, because in the end, you're the ones who are in bad situations.
just be yourself and most people will like you for you.
be true to yourself and most of all be happy!!!
Colleen
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